I want you, and only you
by nessa-Fan-of-Fic
Summary: Done with being tied down by Mossad Ziva leaves NCIS. Leaving behind Tony and the closest thing she had to a family. With help from Harmon Rabb she tries to forget what she has left behind, but finds it harder to forget than expected...even for her.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or JAG **

CHAPTER 1

NCIS Headquarters

Monday

0815

It was 0815 and only two of the four desks in the bullpen where occupied. McGee sat at his computer finishing up work from the case they had just closed last Friday. Tony sat at his desk also working filling out papers, though not as hastily. Tony's head shot up to the sound of the elevator opening up, him ready to greet his partner as soon as she came around the corner, a little curious as to why she was coming in later than her usual self at 0700.

"So Zee-vah," Tony said dragging out her name in a teasing tone "seems I've beat you here toda-" Tony was cut off as Gibbs, his boss walked around the corner instead of his partner.

"DiNozzo." Gibbs greeted Tony.

"Morning Boss." Tony replied.

Gibbs nodded his head towards his senior field agent, acknowledged Ziva's empty desk with a questioning look, then sipping his usual extra large cup of coffee and walked straight up to the Directors office after greeting McGee in the same fashion.

McGee continued to work as a paper ball flew thru the air, hit him in the head and bounced off landing on his keyboard. McGee looked up to glare at his senior field agent then began to return to his work being that this exchange was common between the two agents.

"Hey McGeek," Tony said ignoring McGee's glare "did Ziva say anything about coming in late today?"

McGee simply shook his head as he returned to typing furiously on his keyboard discarding the paper ball in the waste basket, missing the building concern look on Tony's face.

Tony slumped back in his chair and stared at the desk across from him thinking of the last time Ziva had ever been late to work. It had been a week after she arrived at NCIS as their liaison officer a little more than three years ago. And even then she was only late because she had gotten lost, still getting used to the new city and all. So this was strange, she was always here before everyone else on the team and she never took personal days off of work. Tony's thoughts began to wonder off thinking of his partner. Recently Ziva had been a little distant with him, let alone the rest of the team, they'd stopped hanging out after work, and she hadn't been over on Fridays to his house for their movie nights in weeks. She had been making excuses as to any reason to avoid spending time with him. And it was beginning to bother him.

_How could she be so…so selfish was the word. How could she be so selfish to deprive me of her. _Tony thought to himself. Over the time they spent together, in the field and having to trust one another with their lives the way they did, which Tony trusted Ziva with his life completely, they had grow extremely close to each other. Ziva had confided in Tony about her father's cruel acts and her sister Tali that was killed in the car bomb in Israel. Ziva had allowed Tony to see a part of her that she kept off limits to everyone else. She had let him see her heart, even if it was only in small parts, slowly Tony was able to break down the bars that she placed between her feelings and him. Using the 'DiNozzo charm' he uncovered the tough Mossad agent mask she wore all the time.

Though it was not only her who had changed from their growing relationship, Tony as well had noticed some transformations in himself as well. When Ziva first joined NCIS Tony was quite a player with the ladies, having a different girl every week. He didn't know how to have a relationship with someone and at the time didn't really care about maintaining a relationship. Though after being with Jeanne he just couldn't settle for those types of girls he used to date. Jeanne had taught him how to care deeply for a person and even though their relationship had ended quite terribly while it was at its high point he had some great times and actually thought that he loved her. When however his relationship with Jeanne did end he didn't know what he would have done without Ziva. That was when they started to get really close with one another and during the time Tony was healing from Jeanne and spending more and more time with Ziva, she had managed to capture his heart without either of them realizing it.

Now as Tony sat in the bullpen at NCIS headquarters he couldn't help but think 'what had gone wrong for her to retreat back into herself all of a sudden over the past couple of weeks and more importantly where the hell was she?'

As if reading his mind Gibbs walked down the stairs from the director's office and sat at his desk still looking at Ziva's desk aggravation apparent on his face. He looked at his watch which now read 0930, then to the two of his three agents.

"Does anyone know why it is I am one agent short?!" Gibbs asked the irritation in his voice evident.

Both agents looked up at him with just as much confusion on their faces as to where their normally punctual agent was, as Gibbs. Tony's face holding a little more concern than confusion.

"Ok Tony, call Ziva's home phone and if she doesn't pick up, try her cell phone. Tell her to get her ass in here now or else I'll stick her with enough desk work to last her a year! McGee you got down to Abby and track her phone lines from the past 48 hours and anything else you can think of, I want to know what could have been so important that she would be coming in late to work."

McGeek got up from his desk and went to the elevator to go down to Abby's lab, Tony just stared past Gibbs as if he were lost, deep in thought.

"Did you want an invitation to get to work DiNozzo?!" Gibbs asked annoyed by his agent's distraction.

Tony jumped a little startled by Gibbs slightly raised voice pulling him out of his trance, "Sorry Boss. On it Boss."

"Don't apologize DiNozzo it's a sign of weakness, just call Ziva and tell her to get in here now!"

"Got it Boss." Tony picked up his phone and dialed the familiar number he called many times before. After several rings the home phone went to a recording saying that 'This line has been disconnected' Tony hung up. It was not unusual that this happened, Ziva didn't really bother with paying her home phone bill being that she never used it, everyone always contacted her from her cell. He tried the home phone 2 more times then pulled out his cell phone pressing speed dial #2, Ziva's cell popped up on the small screen and he pressed the call button placing the phone to his ear. He waited a few seconds for the phone to ring then was met with a recording

"This line is no longer in service-" Tony took the phone from his ear and looked at the number that was on his phone, checking to make sure that it was correct. It was.

"That can't be right," Tony said. He pressed the 'end call' button on his phone and repeated what he had done before only to be me with the same announcement that said her line was no longer in service.

"What is it Tony?" Gibbs asked noticing the look on Tony's face.

"Phone lines have been disconnected Boss."

"Both or just the home phone?" Gibbs questioned also knowing how it was common for Ziva's home phone to be disconnected.

"Both." Tony said looking into Gibbs hard gaze.

On cue McGee walked in from the elevator with Abby right behind him.

"Boss we ran the search to trace Ziva's phone lines for the past 48 hrs and there was nothing."

"Her cell line has not been in use since last Friday at 1233 and the call was placed to you Gibbs," Abby continued "when you guys were finishing up that case last week."

Everyone was silent for a moment.

Tony was the first to speak, "Boss?"

"Gear up." Gibbs said simply.

"No," Tony lashed out anger in his voice "we can't go on a case without knowing where Ziva is, you can't do that we have to find out what's going on. She could be in trouble she could have been captured by some crazed Israeli maniac who is holding a grudge over her for killing his family when she was with Mossad." Tony knew that he was exaggerating but it could happen, "she would never just up and leave, we have to find her!" Tony's face was red with furry that Gibbs would not even be concerned as to where Ziva was, after all this never happened before.

Everyone looked at Tony. "Are you done Agent DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked with a stern look on his always serious face.

A second passed "Yes," Tony shortly replied

Gibbs walked towards the elevator, "We are going to Ziva's apartment." Gibbs said stopping right in front of Tony so that they were eye to eye. Tony winced back a little then Gibbs after a second continued to the elevator not before slapping his senior field agent in the head. "What are you waiting for?" he asked from inside the elevator to his two agents.

McGee and Tony then quickly grabbed their gear from behind their desks and jumped into the elevator before the doors could close, leaving Abby behind in the bullpen.

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Please review!!!! This is my first fanfiction story


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Ziva's Apartment

Monday

1005 

When they drove up to Ziva's apartment Tony was the first one out. He raced up the stairs not wanting to take the elevator because it would take longer, then he dashed down the hall till he got to her door. Gibbs was right behind him and McGee a little slower but was there a few seconds behind.

Tony not bothering to knock on the door took out his copy of Ziva's apartment key she had given him and unlocked the door walking right in ignoring the questioning look he knew Gibbs was giving him as to why he had a key to Ziva's apartment. At this point though Tony didn't care about Gibbs and his stupid rule number 12. He would let his boss think that he had broken it for now, it didn't matter to him, he just wanted to know what was going on with Ziva.

Gibbs and McGee followed Tony into the apartment in the same fashion he did, pulling out their guns and scoping out the place shock written on their faces as to what they found, or didn't find. First, all furniture in sight but a small coffee table in the center of the room was gone. The team was quick to look through the rest of the place only to come up with the same result, every room was empty but that one coffee table.

There were series of 'Clears' that ran out through the apartment to confirm that no one was there including Ziva which drew up a worried look on Tony's face. _Where the hell is she!_

The team put their guns away and walked over to the coffee table. Gibbs noticing a drawer on the side of the table pulled it out to find a folded piece of paper inside. 'Tony' it was addressed in Ziva's hand writing.

Tony watch as Gibbs pulled out the folded paper from the drawer in the coffee table and saw that it was addressed to him. Without thinking he grabbed the paper from Gibbs unfolded it and began to read.

_Tony_

_This is very hard for me to do and I know that you won't understand why I am doing this but I just have to. I am leaving Mossad and I cannot do that and keep you and the team safe without leaving NCIS as well. If I don't leave NCIS I would be putting the team and most importantly you at risk of them coming after you to get to me. I know that I could not handle it if they ever hurt you Tony because of me. You mean too much to me that I'm sure I would not be able to take the pain that would come with loosing you. That is all I can really say about that. I know that you won't believe this letter and probably think that my father tried to take me back to Israel like he did before or I was kidnapped like in one of your movies but that is not what has happened. I chose this myself. I am tired of my father being in control of me. The last thing I want to do is leave NCIS and hurt you Tony. NCIS is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me because it gave me you, but this kind of hurt, me leaving is better that you or anyone on the team dead. Besides I don't think that I could take it any longer coming to work, seeing you and not being able to be with you, it would just hurt too much. Don't try to find me because knowing you and Gibbs you just might. This is for the best. Goodbye Tony_

_Ziva _

Tony let the paper drop to his feet. McGee and Gibbs just looked at him wondering what the letter could have said, when he was reading the letter his face had been neutral though now all types of emotion was spreading across his face from sadness, to concern, they could have sworn they saw a glint of happiness, which was quickly replaced with sadness again, then finally settling on anger. Tony's face was in full blown furry.

"How could…she just…what was going through her…of course she could have stayed…no other choice…her father...bastard!" Tony kicked the coffee table over and had a sudden need to punch something, so he went to the wall and punched it leaving a large dent. Then he slid down the wall his back to it and placed his head in his hands.

Gibbs somewhere in the middle of Tony's raid had grabbed the paper and began to read as he reached the end he held a similar fury on his face as Tony's, only his fury was a mixture of why Ziva ran thinking that they could not protected her and themselves, and the now growing knowledge that his field agents had some sort of relationship together in spite of rule number 12.

"DiNozzo, would you care to explain to me about this?!" Gibbs threw the paper in Tony's face as he looked up at him.

"I don't know boss," was all Tony could muster. The anger had left his face as quickly as it had appeared it was replaced with grief. Gibbs looked at his senior agent the loss he saw there in his eyes, the sudden emptiness, the feared loss of a love, it was the same look Gibbs had when Jenny was killed. He couldn't be mad at his agent but he didn't have to like the situation.

"Well obviously you know something, how long has this been going on?" Gibbs said referring to Ziva and Tony's relationship, his voice a little softer than before but still holding the same expecting tone.

Tony looked at his boss with uncertainty.

Gibbs continued trying to repress his building irritation with the unanswered question, "How long have you and Ziva been together?" he asked again

At that Tony was shocked he hadn't been expecting that question, "We're not."

"Then how do you explain this?!" he asked grabbing the letter up angry again reading a part aloud, "_You mean too much to me that I'm sure I would not be able to take the pain that would come with loosing you."_Gibbs read in a telling tone.

McGee who had been in the dark of what was going on for a while now in the empty room began to understand and decided to leave to call and catch Abby up on what had happened.

Tony winced back at the sting of the words Gibbs had read. Ziva had left because of him, to protect him and according to the letter it implied just what Gibbs was getting at, that she had feelings for him. Feelings that he now would never get to explore with her because she was gone. He would never be able to tell her the way he felt about her. That every morning when he woke up he wished that she were there with him, that every night he wanted to fall asleep with her laying in his arms, that he loved when she'd flirt back with him at work or allowed him to play with her curls in her hair. He wanted to tell her that she was beautiful, that he wanted to spend every moment for the rest of his life with her. That he loved her so much that it hurt whenever she wasn't with him, and right now knowing that she was long gone his heart ached more than it ever had. He could only imagine the hurt Ziva must be going through.

_She had said that she couldn't bear coming to work and not being able to be with him. She must think that he didn't feel the same way as she did. If she'd only known how wrong she was. _Tony thought placing his head back in his hands and let out a low groan.

"Come on Tony let's get back to NCIS. You won't find her just sitting here on her floor. McGee will start a search and we'll place some warrants up for her. You aren't the only one who wants her back." Gibbs stated meaning every word. Gibbs thought of Ziva like a daughter and wanted her return maybe not as much as Tony but enough to do anything to get her back.

Tony suddenly changed his entire demeanor, his mind set on only one thing, 'finding Ziva' and the sooner he found her the sooner he could hold her in his arms and never let go. That is if she allowed him to.

Tony stood up and nodded his head to his boss. He was right they needed to get her back and wallowing wouldn't do him any good. Mossad was bound to go looking for her when they found out that she had fled and they needed to find her first to protect her from the wrath of her father. Ziva's leaving, he was sure would not go unpunished by the Director of Mossad aka her father.

As Gibbs and Tony headed out of Ziva's apartment Gibbs could not miss the determination on Tony's face along with the worry, no doubt about what could happen if Mossad found her. Tony had to find her, where ever she was, and hopefully he hadn't done too much damage in ignoring her feelings for him for her not to want to be found.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

_flashback_

_Jag Headquarters_

_Last Friday_

_1600_

_A very pretty Israeli looking woman with long dark hair in a pony tail, obviously fit and toned body, wearing cargo pants and a black short sleeved shirt with a duffle bag slung over her head walked into the JAG bullpen with a serious but slightly nervous determined look on her face. She immediately stood out to Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, the well known attorney there at JAG. _

_The woman walked right up to the Colonel slightly intimidating her by her quick movement and looking straight into her eyes._

"_I am looking for a Commander Harmon Rabb Jr., could you direct me to where I might find him?" the woman spoke sternly with a Middle Eastern accent_

"_May I ask who is asking?" Sarah Mackenzie, 'Mac for short' replied matching the unfamiliar woman's hard unfriendly tone. Who is this woman and why is she asking for Harm?_

_Ziva eyed the woman in front of her, she had no time for games she needed to speak with Harm, she quickly glared at the woman in uniform that stood in front of her "Colonel Sarah Mackenzie is it?" Ziva stated reading her name tag "I'd rather not give my name…" Ziva was cut short of her reply by the look on the Colonels face, she could see that this Sarah Mackenzie would not tell her anything if she did not comply and at this point Ziva did not have the energy to argue._

"_Ziva, my name is Ziva. Could you please tell Harm that I am here and really need to speak to him as soon as possible." _

_Mac noticing the woman's change in attitude and softer voice, "He's in the court right now, you could wait for him here though, he should be out soon." _

"_Thank you," Ziva turned and retreated from Mac just as fast as she had approached her and went to wait by the court room door pacing back and forth._

_Several people by now were looking at the Israeli woman and all wondering what she could want with the Commander and why she seemed in such a panic. _

_Harriet and Bud walked up to the Mac with questioning looks on their faces, "Excuse me Ma'am, but do you know who that woman is?"_

"_I'm not sure but she's asking for the Commander, I guess we'll find out soon." Mac replied as Harm walked out of the courtroom doors at that moment._

"_Harm!" Ziva called and all but ran to the surprised Commander_

"_Ziva?" Harm asked "What are you doing here?"_

_When she did not meet his eye Harm lifted her chin and then noticed that she was on the verge of tears which was definitely not usual for the tough Mossad agent he knew. He suddenly went into protective mode knowing that someone had to have hurt her pretty bad for her to be in such a state._

"_What's happened?" he asked her in angry, concerned voice fearing the worse_

_When she still didn't answer, Harm then noticed that everyone in the bullpen was looking at them and their interaction between each other. Mac had saw the concern on her partners face that he had given her many times before whenever she was in need of help. Harm made eye contact with Mac briefly before grabbing Ziva's hand and guiding her into his office, shutting the door behind him. Harm then closed the blinds as an afterthought._

_Ziva now sat in one of the chairs in front of Harm's desk with Harm knelt down before her looking into her eyes._

"_Tell me what has happened, Zi?" Harm asked lowering his voice almost to a whisper, and using the nickname he had given her to make her feel more comfortable._

_Ziva now had drawn back all signs of tears building in her eyes and was able to speak "I…I don't know why I came here, you where the only person I could think of at the time and since I left I had to go to someone that he would not be able to find…"her sentence came out in a rush then died off_

"_Who are you talking about? Your father…is it your father your running from?" Harm had not known much about Ziva David but when he was in Israel she had saved his life twice. They had become good friends with one another over the 5 months they spent together during a mission that on both sides had gone wrong. Ziva like everyone else that met Harm was able to confide in him and felt safe with him emotionally, she had told him about her father and how she worked for Mossad as an assassin and Harm did not cringe away from her like most people who found out what she did for a living but they actually got closer all the more quicker, Ziva trusted Harm completely. _

"_Yes, I don't want to be a part of Mossad anymore and I…I cannot…" that was all she could muster before the tears were back building in her eyes and caught in her throat, though this time the tears were not for the fear of her father finding her, but thinking of her partner, that green eyed man that she had left behind. The man who had stolen her heart without knowing and then shattered it in the same manner. The man who didn't even know she was gone yet and probably wouldn't know until Monday morning. The man she would never see again._

_Harm seeing the unfamiliar pain in her eyes was taken aback he had never seen this emotion on this woman's face, but he did not let her see his hesitation in fear that it would upset her more. He wanted to comfort her, to protect her, he had to especially knowing that Mossad would be looking for her if she left like she said she did._

"_Ok," Harm said standing up "you're staying with me until you figure this out, we'll talk more at my apartment and don't try to argue with me because you won't win, I'm a lawyer remember." Harm said remembering how she liked to defy any and everyone, to get her way. _

_Ziva smiled barely at his little joke, though it was still a smile and he would take what he could get. The next he knew she had wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face into his shoulder for a hug._

"_Thank you Harm," was all she said then after a few more seconds she pulled away with an annoyed look on her face unshed tears still in her eyes, "I hate people seeing me like this," she said waving her hand in the air pointedly "I feel so weak and vulnerable." _

"_You're human, there is nothing to feel ashamed about everyone feels weak at some point."_

"_Well I'm not everyone, I'm a Mossad age-" she cut herself off realizing what she was about to say "I can take care of myself," she started again "I have been through things that 'everyone' else," she said emphasis on the everyone "could never even begin to sleep of."_

_Harm smiled at her words, "I think you mean dream of." He corrected her._

_Ziva smiled back but couldn't say anything else in reply, knowing if she did she would break out in tears at the familiarity of how he had corrected her like Tony always did, it was too hard to even think of Tony right now and she didn't want to come off as any weaker than she already appeared to Harm. Her father was right about one thing, America had made her weak, and she hated feeling and looking that way so she would do her best not to let Harm or anyone else see her so fragile._

_Harm could see that she was holding back her emotions but would wait to question her about everything when they got somewhere more private._

"_Let's get going. Is that all your things?" He asked moving to pick up the duffle bag she had brought in with her._

"_Yes." She replied trying to take the bag back from him. He moved out of her reach._

"_I can carry my own bag I am not weak!" she said irritated and reaching out yet again to try and take the bag from his hand._

"_I know you're capable of carrying your own bag, and weak is the last thing I would ever call you," he said giving her his flyboy smile which caught her off guard for a moment then she returned to glaring at him, yet he refused to give her the bag._

_After 2 more minutes of arguing over who would carry the bag Harm and Ziva walked out of his office, an irritated look on Ziva's face and a triumphant look on Harms face while he carried her bag in his hand._

"_Don't forget I could hurt you if I really wanted to Harm." Ziva warned him as he guided her through the bullpen, though Harm still wearing a grin "How quickly you forget our 5 months together."_

_Harms face was suddenly very serious, "I could never forget that Ziva you…you saved my life and was there for me, helped me when no one else would. I will never forget that and I will never be able to thank you enough." The look on his face showed that he meant every word. Ziva didn't know what to say._

"_I'd do anything for you Zi." Harm said lightening the look on his face and the smile returning_

"_Thank you." Was all she could say._

"_Anytime Zi, anytime." _

_End flash back_

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_Please Review_


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Harms Apartment

Monday

1725

Ziva sat on Harm's couch again for the twelfth time in the past three days, looking at nothing in particular too caught up in her thoughts. The urgent knock on the front door as if someone had been knocking for a while drew her out of her trance and back to reality. Harm was still at JAG and she obviously wasn't expecting anyone. Harm had told her not to answer the door as if she needed telling. Ziva pulled out one of her many guns from her body and walked to the front door, looking through the peep hole to see the woman she had spoken to on last Friday when she came to JAG, not in uniform but dressed in jeans and a red short sleeved shirt. Ziva put her gun back on her person and opened the door.

"Yes?" Ziva said to the woman not interested in her reason for being there.

Mac looked the Israeli woman up and down shocked to see her standing in the door way. "Is Harm here?"

"No, he is not." Ziva began to close the door but Mac pushed forwards

"Can I come in?" Mac more told than asked as she walked past Ziva through the door and into the familiar apartment.

Ziva closed the door and could feel the glare before she saw it as she turned to face Mac who was in full Marine/ interrogation mode.

"Who are you?" Mac asked unfriendly

"I should ask the same question" Ziva replied now matching Macs entire demeanor getting up in her face, glaring right back at the JAG officer. Ziva didn't particularly enjoy being questioned, last week she only complied because of the situation at the time though now with no reason not to go head to head with the woman she felt that she might as well let some of the anger out that had been building up in her.

Just then the front door opened as Harm stepped through the door to see both women up in each other's face as if in the middle of a glaring competition. Neither one backing down.

"Hey," he said "what's going on here?"

"Hey Harm," Mac said breaking contact with Ziva and began speaking in a quiet, almost shy tone "I just came by to see if you wanted to have dinner tonight, you could come over to my place and I could cook-"

"You…cook?" Harm was surprised at this and laughed lightly, Mac had never, ever offered to help him cook whenever they had their weekly dinners let alone cooked an entire meal herself, she hated to cook and he wasn't sure even if she could cook. So why was she offering now?

"I meant take out Harm," Mac added, her face lowering and turning red at his laughter to her offering to cook, it was embarrassing enough that she felt jealous of the woman who was staying with Harm. She had never acted like this before and she really meant nothing by it, she didn't even know the woman to be acting the way she was with her, but the thought of Harm being with another woman had caused her to react possessively over him. Though now she just felt stupid about the entire thing. Obviously this woman was living with him so they must be together, she would have to apologize to her when Harm wasn't around.

Harm saw the discomfit on Mac's face from his laughter and he mentally scolded himself for reacting the way he did and then said seriously. "I'm sorry Mac, but I'll have to take a reign check on dinner, I need to make sure Ziva is safe here…oh wait you two haven't formally met yet have you?"

Ziva looked at the woman standing across from her and saw a change in her face, was she embarrassed? Sad? Was that jealousy she saw on her face? Then it hit her this woman liked Harm. Well she would have to tell this Sarah Mackenzie that she could back off because even though Harm was a great guy and all, her heart belonged to another. None other than Tony.

Ziva's face dropped at the thought of her partner after she had tried so hard not to think of him. Thoughts of him threatened to overcome her, but Harm calling her attention pulled her back to reality.

"Zi," Ziva looked at Harm "this is Sarah Mackenzie, I work with her at JAG she's a marine, very tough, kind, stubborn, and not to mention she has been my very best friend for the past 8 years." Mac smiled in reply to Harms words, especially when he said her name.

"Oh, and she prefers when people call her Mac…it's a marine thing." Harm added and Mac playfully jabbed Harm in the rib, making him fake a wince

Harms face became serious as he addressed Mac

"Mac, this is Ziva David," he paused to look at Ziva asking permission to continue, Ziva nodded "she is from Tel Aviv and has been living in the U.S for about 3 years, she is a very good friend of mine… saved my life several times."

Mac noticed the gratitude and deep meaning to what he was saying, she also noticed the look of respect he had for her. Harm continued

"Ziva needed somewhere to stay for right now and I offered my place to her for as long as she needed…"

"But I won't be here for much longer I do not want to impose-" Ziva said but was cut off by Harm

"And I told you that you are not imposing and I will not let you leave until I know that you are safe somewhere where your father cannot find you." Harm spoke with a little edge to his voice

"I **will** leave soon no matter what, I appreciate your kindness Harm but I must figure this out myself. It is just how it has to be. I am very grateful for all you have done for me so far, but when the time comes I will leave." Ziva countered, her tone final and firm.

Harm was about to reply, his neck turning a light shade of red but then decided against it in fear that if he argued with her she would only become angry with him and possibly retreat back into the silence that he had witnessed from her since Friday. It was only late Sunday that Ziva had begun to communicate with him, and the last thing he wanted was to argue with her. He wanted to help her as much he could and so decided to drop it, for now.

"Ziva?" Mac asked with caution knowing that there was obviously something more to Ziva's reason for leaving and staying with Harm than he was telling her. "I know that I wasn't exactly friendly the first time I asked you, but would you mind telling **exactly** who you are…I mean it's obvious that Harm didn't tell me everything, and what does your father-"

"Mac I don't think that-" Harm cut Mac off to tell her that he didn't think it would be best to ask those questions but he himself was cut off by Ziva.

"It is alright Harm if you trust her then I trust her. Ziva said giving him the go ahead to tell Mac.

"Harm nodded and then turned back to Mac. "Ziva, as I said before is from Israel but what you don't know is that she is a Mossad agent, and Eli David, her father is director of Mossad." Shock ran across Mac's face but was quickly replaced with curiosity. "The reason Ziva is in America is because she was assigned as a liaison officer to NCIS." Harm finished.

"Ok," Mac said still waiting for the bigger part of the explanation, "So why are you here…no offence?" Mac said turning to Ziva waiting for and answer.

"Well the main part of the reason is because I am done being tied down by Mossad-" Ziva answered

"So you're saying you left…just left Mossad and your father?" Mac asked in complete awe at this.

"Yes," Ziva said simply "my father has always had a hand on me-"

"You mean, hold on me, Zi." Harm corrected her

"Yes," Ziva continued "my father has always had a hold on me and I no longer want to be a Mossad agent, all I want is to work at NCIS. Here I am able to live a life, in Israel with Mossad all I knew was mission after mission and nothing else," Harm listened even more clearly, surprised at how Mac got Ziva to talk so easily, something he was trying to do all weekend. "I do not want to risk having to go back to that." Ziva continued.

Mac had an understanding and slightly still shocked look on her face from Ziva's explanation though still had a question, "But why didn't you just stay with NCIS?"

Ziva took a long sigh before answering suddenly looking sad and slightly frustrated, "Spending time in the U.S, I have to agree with my father has made me weak and because of that I did one if the things that most agents in Mossad frown upon…" Ziva trailed off

"and that is?" Mac pushed Ziva to continue

"I got emotionally close to them, all of them at NCIS, they are much more of a family than my father ever was to me." Ziva stated with emotion.

"That still doesn't explain why you had to leave NCIS."

Ziva looked down at her feet then looked up with anger in her eyes, "If I did not leave my father would have gone after the team trying to get to me, he will kill them all if he thought for a minute that they knew where I was or he thought that they were trying to protect me. So, I did the only thing that would protect them and allow me to leave…I left both NCIS and Mossad, I left a letter for my partner telling him exactly why I had left, that way my father won't go after them. By me leaving them he will think that I do not care for them and won't try to hurt them…instead my father will only try to find me and bring me back to Israel."

Mac saw the hurt in Ziva, and she also saw how that hurt had deepened when she mentioned her partner, Mac made a mental note to herself to question Ziva about this partner of hers seeing that he obviously played a role in her decision to leave NCIS.

Harm walked over to Ziva and placed his hand on her shoulder as comfort seeing the pain flash across her face as she spoke only to disappear just as quickly as it had appeared.

"Meaning," Ziva continued "that my team at NCIS as well will believe that I abandoned them and do not care for them, even though that is definitely not the truth, though as long as they are safe it…it does not matter."

The pain of leaving her 'NCIS family' was evident in her eyes even though her entire stance said that she was tough and could handle it, Harm knew better than to believe that and Mac could clearly see the truth in her eyes.

"I'm…sorry-" Mac started sincerely

"Don't apologize, it is a sign of weakness," Ziva said instinctively "besides you have nothing to apologize for, you do not have anything to do with this situation."

Harm could see that Ziva was going back into her silence state and reacted quickly to prevent that from happening. "Ok, I'm going to take a shower and change clothes so Mac if you don't mind staying with Ziva until I come back I'd appreciate it a lot." Harm said trying to avoid the death glare he could feel Ziva shooting at him.

"Sure Harm…no problem."

"That is not necessary Harm, Sarah I thank you but you do not have to stay. Actually Harm I think that you should take Sarah's offer for dinner at her place, I'll be fine here and if this is your usual thing to do it is ridiculous that you should cancel because of me." Harm finally met Ziva's eyes to glare back at her as she added "I do not need a babysitter Harm, I can most definitely take care of myself."

"That's not the point Zi, I don't want to leave you alone, what if your father-"

"My father will not find me here, he doesn't know that we are acquainted if he did I would have never come here and risk your life. I will be fine, you should go to Sarah." Ziva urged Harm, not missing the hopeful look on Macs face.

"I'm sorry Mac but I can't tonight, maybe when this is all over." Harm said and saw as Macs face dropped in sadness.

"-but," Harm continued "if you don't mind Ziva joining us we could order take out and spend the evening here."

"Yes, that'll be great…as long as you don't mind me staying Ziva." Mac asked looking towards Ziva

"I'm fine with that arrangement." Ziva couldn't help smile at Macs growing joy, knowing the reason why she was so happy was because she would be spending time with Harm. Ziva wondered if the two knew how each other felt about one another, she could see that Harm felt something for Mac.

Harm broke eye contact with Mac to give Ziva a warning look that said 'be good' then he excused himself to go take a shower and get out of uniform. After he went into his room to grab some clothes to change into he walked into the bathroom and closed the door. Ziva and Mac were alone in the room.

After a second of silence Ziva walked over to the chair she was sitting in before Mac had rang the door bell, and picked up thinking on the same subject she had left off on…Tony.

Mac watched Ziva do this and couldn't help but wonder, if she is a Mossad assassin and as tough as she leads everyone to believe she is, then regardless the emotional connection she received with NCIS she shouldn't be taking this situation so hard. '_There has to be something more to it than just having to leave them, I bet it has something to do with that partner of hers_.' Mac thought and at that moment she had made it her mission to find out exactly what that other reason was.

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Hey just wanted to say thanks for the reviews and please keep them coming-

I love reading your reviews it keeps me inspired, the more you review the faster a new chapter gets posted!!!

Thanks again for the reviews!!!

Next chapter MAC and ZIVA bonding.......that couldn't possibly go well. ^_^

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	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

NCIS Headquarters

Monday 

2210

Almost everyone at NCIS headquarters had gone home hours ago except for team Gibbs, excluding Abby who had left at 2100. Tony had just hung up the phone, or more like slammed the phone down on his desk, hitting yet another dead end on finding a lead as to where Ziva was. She had exaggerated herself in her letter when she said that Gibbs and Tony would probably find her. Seeing as though she is a Mossad agent, or was a Mossad agent, trying to locate a Ziva who didn't want to be found would be quite difficult.

Tony sighed as the hopelessness of ever finding Ziva raced through him and placed his head in his hands thinking back to the day's events. After the team had returned from Ziva's apartment they had went straight to work first to eliminate any possibility that Ziva had been kidnapped, though they realized soon that, that was not the case and Ziva had actually left at her own will. McGee had went about posting warrants up on the FBI boards saying that anyone who had a lead or saw her were to contact NCIS immediately. Tony had started calling all people that Ziva would have come in contact with in her pursuit to leave. He tried her Landlord, who gave Tony the surprise to know that she had moved out two days before last Friday. Then he spoke with the movers who had moved all of the furniture out of her apartment, who told Tony that they never met Ziva but only spoke to her over the phone to arrange when they were supposed to come by and pick up the furniture which they were told to donate to a homeless shelter. Ziva had in fact been very thorough in disappearing. Now the stress of the situation had caused Tony to react oddly throughout the entire day. At first he was just lashing out at any and everyone in his frustration, and then around noon he became quiet only speaking on the phone in search of her. As the night drew he seemed warn out physically and emotionally by the situation though he promised himself, he would not give up until he had her back.

"Tony…Tony!" Gibbs exclaimed pulling Tony out of his thought

"Yeah?" Tony lifted his head looking tired, but the same determination in his eyes as they where earlier that morning.

"DiNozzo, go home you need rest."

"I'm fine boss, I'm just going to go get some coffee after I call one more person-" Tony replied picking up the phone on his desk

Gibbs walked over to his senior agent and took the phone from his hand as he was dialing and hung it up. "Tony," Gibbs voice was low so that only he could hear him "go home your no good to us like this, I don't want to see you back here until tomorrow 0700."

"Boss I can't stop…I can't just go home, she's getting further and further away from me every second, I don't have time to waste, I have to find her now!!" Tony raised his voice causing an also tired McGee to stop what he was doing to look over

"Well you won't find her tonight DiNozzo." Gibbs raised his voice to match Tony's

"But I have to try!" Tony said in a distraught voice

Gibbs stared at Tony. He did not missing the fact that Tony had said 'further away from me' and not 'us'.

"Tony go home, you too McGee," Gibbs said turning his head towards the younger agent then back to stare at Tony adding "and that's an order."

Even though they were not in the military and Gibbs was not a superior officer, Tony knew that when Gibbs gave an order it was best to follow. Tony defeated, reluctantly grabbed his bag and headed towards the elevator with a desperate brokenhearted look on his face. McGee followed behind him. Tony dreaded going home knowing that the last thing he would be able to do was relax, not knowing where Ziva was or if she was safe or not.

Before Tony reached the elevator Gibbs called to him, "Yeah Boss?" Tony answered

Gibbs looked more serious than Tony had ever seen him before, "We all want her back just as much as you do, and we will find her Tony." Gibbs said emphasizing on the 'we' part. Tony nodded and stepped into the elevator. McGee who had said nothing during this entire time pushed a button to make the door close then pushed floor number 1.

Tony couldn't help but deny what Gibbs had said as he thought, _No one wants her back as much as I do. No one. Where ever you are Ziva, please be ok. _He begged within his mind.

As if McGee could hear Tony's thoughts he spoke up as the elevator opened on the first floor.

"Tony, I'm sure Ziva is safe were ever she is." McGee said reassuringly trying to help

"But we don't know that for sure McKnowitall, now do we." Tony replied sarcastically

Tony saw McGee wince at his words, "Sorry Probie, I didn't mean it." Tony apologized as they walked in silence to their cars in the parking lot.

Then Tony spoke quietly, "Even if she is safe, where ever she is…she won't be for long when Mossad finds out that she's gone." Tony finished fear evident in his voice. McGee not knowing what else to say just told Tony good night and went to his car two spots over and drove away. Tony understood.

Then Tony proceeded to get into his car. He sat, leaning his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. _God Ziva why did you have to leave,_ _please be ok where ever you are. _He though yet again

Then Tony started up his car and pulled out of the parking lot heading home knowing that he would try to get some sleep but most likely would not.

Harms Apartment

1820

After Harm had gotten out of the shower and into more comfortable clothes he came out and saw Mac and Ziva on different side of his apartment. Ziva sat on one of the couches unobservant of almost everything around her lost in her own world and Mac sat in the kitchen looking at menus of different restaurants to order from. Harm suddenly felt annoyed, he had expected that the two woman would have immediately become friends being as they were more alike than different. They were both very strong/tough independent woman, who didn't take crap from anyone though they both had soft hearts. Yes, Ziva had a bit more baggage than Mac and a bit more protective of her feelings but she was a softie at heart. He knew that, he had seen that during his time with her in Israel.

Harm became more annoyed with Mac out of the two, he had always known Mac to be friendly with most people and was disappointed at the way she was acting towards Ziva, at least Ziva had a reason for being so distant.

"Ok," Harm spoke breaking the silence Ziva jumped a little not really noticing him walk into the room and Mac simply looked up. Harm continued "Have you two decided on what we're ordering?"

"I am not hungry." Ziva said plainly clearly not interested in holding conversation right then.

Harm turned to Ziva and gave her a look that vaguely reminded her of Gibbs's glare that he would give her whenever he wanted her to comply with what he was saying, "Ok, I will eat something" she said giving in. This made Harm worried. Ziva never gave in this easily from what he could remember. He really needed to find out what was going on in her head.

"Any particular favorites?" Harm asked Ziva trying to engage her in conversation

"It does not matter." She replied shortly

"Ok." He decided to let it go and not push her, she had agreed to eat something that was good enough. Harm walked into the kitchen area and leaned against the table Mac was sitting at. "Looks like it's your choice Mac."

"Pizza?"

"Pizza it is" Harm confirmed

In seconds, they had agreed on one large pepperoni and sausage pizza for Mac and Ziva (Ziva just nodding at Harm asking if the selection that was ok) and a small vegetarian pizza for himself.

Harm put the phone down after ordering, the pizza would take about 45 minutes to arrive. Not being able to take the silence anymore Harm thought of something.

"Ok the pizza will take about 45 minutes to get here, and we," Harm said pointing at himself and both the women in his apartment "are going to play Scrabble." Harm exclaimed

"No thank you" Ziva spoke up instantly

"It wasn't really a request, Ziva"

Ziva sat up in the chair she was sitting in and looked up at Harm wildly, "Last time I checked it was you who is enlisted in the U.S army, not I, and so I take orders from no one." There was fire in her eyes

Harm backed up a little at the livid woman's glare and placed his hands up in the air in defense. "Ok Zi," Harm said in a calming voice "I was just trying to lighten the mood." Then his face turned serious, and a little hurt "I don't like seeing you upset. I was simply suggesting we do something to take your mind off of whatever it is going on in your head that you won't talk to me about." He gave her a small smile showing his innocence.

"Sorry." Ziva apologized lightening her glare and leaning back in the couch she sat on. _'He is only trying to help Ziva stop snapping at him.' _Ziva then thought _'It could not hurt to try and not think about NCIS and everything'._

"And you are right," Ziva sighed "I should try taking my mind away from everything. It could help."

Harm smiled big and triumphantly at the fact that she was starting to release a little.

"Ok let me go get the game from Mattie and I'll be back in a minute."

As Harm left, Ziva decided to attempt and make conversation with Mac, in search of anyway to distract her from her troubling thoughts, and so she walked over to the woman sitting at the kitchen table and sat across from her. Mac looked surprised at this, not expecting Ziva to even attempt making any unnecessary interaction with her.

"So…who is Mattie?" Ziva asked expecting the answer to be 'a next door neighbor', though she definitely did not expect the answer she got.

"Mattie is his daughter." Mac said simply

Ziva's face looked up to Mac's with shock, "Harm is a father? And she doesn't live with him?

"Well…biologically no, Harm adopted Mattie, her father is a drunk and Harm…" Mac couldn't find the words to describe what Harm had done yet again. "Harm saved her." She settled with

"You say that as if he saves a lot of people." Ziva asked as a question

Mac looked up at Ziva and answered whole heartedly "He does."

Ziva heard a hidden meaning in what Mac spoke. She decided to pry a little more, "So he saved you before, yes?"

Mac looked away from Ziva's stare but answered her question "Yes he has…more than once." She said blushing. This did not go unnoticed by Ziva.

Mac heard a light laugh coming from Ziva, she turned her attention back to see the Israeli woman smiling in a knowing way.

"What?" Mac asked totally and unaware of the conclusion Ziva had come to, and as to why she'd be laughing

"It is nothing" Ziva said but the smile was still apparent on her face

"What?" Mac asked again really wondering about Ziva's sanity for a minute. _'First she acts defensive to everyone and depressed, and now she laughs out of now where' _Mac thought _'what's wrong with her?'_

Mac was drawn from her thinking at what words came out of Ziva's mouth next.

"You loved him." Ziva accused with the smile still tugging at her lips

Mac stared into Ziva's eyes as her face went completely pale for a brief moment only to be quickly replaced by a nuclear blush that erupted all over her face and neck. _'How the heck could she tell that from just holding a single conversation with me? Am I that invisible? Will she tell Harm? Oh God.' _Her thoughts raced through her head and she didn't know what to say to Ziva's accusation. The fact that she couldn't speak didn't help either.

Ziva could see that Mac was struggling to find a way to answer her but she didn't need an answer the blush spoke for her.

"I take it that my assumption is correct." Ziva said. Mac's eyes widened bigger as Ziva laughed lightly at her expression.

Mac finally found her voice. "No, that's ridiculous." Mac said getting up to grab a glass and fill it with water from the faucet.

Ziva rolled her eyes "You do not honestly think that I will believe that with that huge blush spread all over your face, do you?"

Mac turned slowly to face her, "I…I do not love him, we are partners…we work together…we are best friends, nothing more." Ziva listened to Mac ramble as it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than her.

Ziva couldn't help but think back to a time when she was in Abby's lab and Abby had cornered her into talking about Tony. That was when she first admitted that she loved him to anyone.

_Flashback to Abby's Lab_

"_You sooo, love Tony!!" Abby said _

"_NO I DO NOT!" Ziva countered _

_Abby ignored her best friend as Ziva was blushing, "Ooooh I knew that you loved him, you two are perfect for each other!!!" Abby was bouncing up and down in place ecstatic._

"_Abby! I do not love Tony. We are partners, we work together nothing else!" Ziva nearly yelled angry at her friends giddiness. Ziva was trying really hard not to blush again though became weak as she thought of Tony again and her face lit up bright red._

"_Ah-Ha," Ziva was caught as Abby yelped "You do love him, you do!!! Admit it, you love Tony!" _

_Ziva sighed and gave in deciding it best, not wanting to see exactly how loud Abby could yell 'YOU DO LOVE HIM' from the top of her lungs._

" _Yes," she spoke in a quiet voice "I do."_

_Abby nearly suffocated her as she engulfed Ziva in a bone crunching hug. "Ohhh! You have got to tell him Ziva!" _

"_NO! and neither will you" Ziva said glaring at Abby with worry that her secret would be revealed_

"_But-" Abby began but was cut off by a warning look from Ziva as to say 'don't to push'. "Fine, I won't tell him but you need to!!!" Abby begged with Ziva just as Tony walked in, though neither of them saw him._

"_Tell him what?" Tony asked curious, surprising both women_

_Ziva stiffened and turned around to Tony as she said quickly, "Nothing." Then she made eye contact with a now over excited Abby and gave her the warning look again this time it saying, 'don't you dare'. Abby closed her mouth tightly and returned to her computer. _

_Ziva let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and Tony looked at her questionably. Then Ziva turned and quickly left the lab heading towards the elevator. _

_End flashback _

Ziva looked sad suddenly and wished deep down that she had told Tony that she had loved him before all of this happened. Then she asked herself why she hadn't told him, then she realized _'He does not love you Ziva, that is why you never told him, you didn't want to get hurt. At least it is obvious that Harm loves Mac too, but Tony obviously does not love you. Get over it, he loves all woman but you, so you just have to deal with it Ziva.' _She thought to herself. At least she could help Mac and Harm out.

"You love him." Ziva repeated, though this time with more emotion and very serious. Mac looked down at her hands and began to fumble with them knowing that Ziva had figured her out.

"You should tell him." Ziva continued and Mac looked up at Ziva with vulnerability in her entire appearance. She was about to speak when she Harm came walking through the front door with a SCRABBLE game in hand, and she stopped what she was about to say immediately.

"Nice to see you two talking," Harm said obviously pleased "and nice to see you off that couch Zi, I thought you would make it your new home the way you never left it, just staring into space." Harm joked and hoped that he didn't say anything wrong. _'Damn Harm you got to learn to think before you speak.' _He mentally scolded himself.

Though Ziva just glared at Harm for a second then turned away not letting his comment bother her. Harm visibly relaxed.

"Ok so who is up for a little scrabble?" Harm exclaimed a bit too over theatrical.

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Sorry I haven't updated in a bit. I really hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. As always I appreciated your reviews from the other chapters and please keep them coming I love reading them.

Next Chapter; Honestly I have no idea yet but I'll try and get it up ASAP!!!


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